We have a large number of pets in our house. At last count there are 62 snakes, 2 geckos, 2 cats, a ferret, a snapping turtle, 4 bearded dragons, and several hundred rats.

The bulk of that number is because my wife is a reptile breeder. Her concentration is on boa constrictors, she can mix and match colors and patterns to make very valuable snakes for people. I can program PHP in my sleep but I don’t know dick about genetics like she does. The rats exist because they are easy to make, and feeding this many snakes is expensive.

The leopard geckos are my smallest pets, it’s a male/female pair I’ve named Ricky and Lucy. Ricky violently rapes Lucy fairly often. It’s more of a Trailer Park Boys reference than I Love Lucy, that’s just a happy coincidence.

The snapping turtle was presented to be as a hatchling by a Mohawk man, who asked me to raise it to be big and strong.

The ferret was caught at my store. It was dehydrated, starved, freezing, and infested with hundreds of ticks. My wife adopted it and is nursing it back to health.

The bearded dragons started as pets, then became a breeding project, and are now just pets.

Our cats are furry balls of affection. The first was abandoned at a farm as a kitten. The second was adopted from a local adoption service. They are both annoyingly affectionate and well-behaved.



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